Relationships, affairs, love, dating and marriage are all words that define the various interactions we have with each other, as people of the opposite sex, and even of the same sex.

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The underlying factor here is attraction- whether attraction to the person, what they have or what they can give you. Regardless of what anyone says, money and sex make the world go round. The things that go on ‘out there’ are deep, and I am not talking ‘missionary position’ deep, it’s deeper than that.

The truth of the matter is that there is no real love nowadays. It is just an imitation, and it works well enough. Have you ever seen a fong Kong Louis vuitton, and the real deal? It is hard to tell the difference, both have an L and a V, same applies with ‘Love’.

People want to be in love relationships when they don’t love themselves. Others want to be loved, when they cannot love. Some more want to be loved and aren’t loved back. We want o attain things that are non-existent. People lay claimant to love too quickly, confusing ‘love’ with lust and loneliness. You meet someone today, the next day they claim to love you. How do you love someone so fast? Sex has a way of spoiling things; when people see each other’s private parts, the mystery evaporates and there is very little you aren’t familiar with. The greatest magic is in the genitals, once you give that up, a wall has been broken down. That is the same thing that men are always after. Some men are so horny, you would think they get paid for every ‘cookie’ they devour. Some even brag about being womanizers as if it’s a rare talent. Their female counterparts aren’t any different; they give it like manna from the sky, that they think nothing of throwing themselves at men. There is an old, allegedly vulgar Setswana saying that, fa senana se baba se batla se sengwe. Our forefathers were onto something; even they noticed the lack of discipline and gullibility we are enveloped by. The worst that could happen is subjecting to bad sex- if you are going to have illicit sex, can it at least be good?

No matter how terrible the patriarchal system, some women submit to the system; submit to men’s approval to be accepted in society, exchange affections with their bodies, buy off their souls just to be approved and sometimes losing their self esteem and dignity in the process. A lot of our men want to reduce themselves to clutter, without thinking; that is why families break up, relationships do not last and people kill each other, we do not respect or honor others or ourselves.

When the “fun” is over, all that is left behind are broken dreams, promises and (sometimes) condoms, strewn around in a muddled heap of confusion. The unfortunate thing with dating is that the field is too small and crowded, especially in urban places like Gaborone. The old and the young, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, etc all mingle in the same space.  Someone knows someone who knows someone who’s someone is that someone of that someone who’s someone you are someone to. There are fathers who hit on us nubile promising us cars, plots and a convenience salary. You cannot say to someone, ‘Your dad wants me, get him in order.’ Old women get cozy with young boys and men fornicate with other men, just as women have affairs with other women. I am not sure what everyone is looking for, but whatever it is must be very exciting. Is it the two minute wham bam sex, soppy kisses, the fluttering butterflies in the stomach or the thrill of getting away with what you want?

The thrill of sin is alluring. Everyone gets tjatjarag (uppity) and the advent of cell phones, social networking (e.g. Facebook) and dating sites hasn’t made things easier; People are able to get away with a lot of rubbish more easily. It doesn’t seem to matter that the HIV/AIDS rates in Botswana is very high. The endless deaths and people we know with cheeks sinking in put a human face to AIDS yet we ignore it. If an economy was built on fornical activities, perhaps we would be a first world country.

The dating field requires a strong heart, sane mind and that is not a guarantee that you will not lose your mind in the process. The thought of “the one” is very enticing, but in realistic terms it’s an illusion that has left many lying flat on the face. It’s a Bitches brew out there, and the stink is repulsive!

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