This is the man you summarily dismissed as a lunatic when he told you that this country was upside down, together with its leaders who he’s been telling has fell on their heads when they were young. This, he gave us the impression, was the reason why they were a lot of crooks and looters. I remember what you said when he said these things. You called him rude names, a secessionist and a buffoon who deserved no one’s faint consideration. In fact many of you said he was high on something strong. I couldn’t care you see. I have been in this country long enough to know the extent of your jealousy. As such I dismissed you as envious clowns who were consumed by the Pull Him Down syndrome.
Well, I was wrong and unlike many people in this country I have no shame admitting it. You see, my affection for Kgafela started when he told us that his people were tired of earless yobs of nowadays who don’t think anything of disrespecting and terrorizing everyone after imbibing cheap liquor. Like the president, he believed beer drinking was the root of all evil. He energized his tribal regiments to help him put all that nonsense to an end: quite an indictment on the police, who we all know are hopeless. My faith in the police vanished during the strike when kids barely into their teens took them to the washers when they tried to stop them protesting. You all remember that cop who opened teargas on himself. What a comic! The police by themselves don’t seem to manage louts wreaking havoc in our society.
Then you have the new churches. You know them, those churches owned and led by dodgy Africans who come to our country to “rescue sinners” when they have millions upon millions of sinners back home! Take a country like Nigeria which recorded a population of over 150 million just this past July. Yep, you heard right; 150 million! I’m not asking anyone to hate Nigerians, but for logic’s sake answer me this; between a country with a measly population like ours and Nigeria, where is there more need to rescue lost souls? Does the amount of noise we suffer at every street corner mean that we somehow have greater potential for sin than other countries where people are as many as sand grains in a tipper truck? When the Kgosi put these things in perspective, unlike you, I saw that I had little to disagree with. When you made noise about his regiments flogging one or two people, I said big deal!
But your noise never stopped and you behaved like you didn’t have churches that make an endless racket in your street, like you never had all your clothes stolen when you had hung them to dry on the line, nor did you have drunken fools insult your mother and father for nothing. I was annoyed that you knew all these things but made it sound like Kgafela was talking about things from space. In fact, you have heard of rapes of babies who are still breast feeding and women old enough to be Mugabe’s mother! You stood there and said these people should be left to do as they wish. I was hurt. At the time, I was convinced you had blood in your hands for being like that. The struggle was long and hard for Kgafela, and it saw him sued for doing certain things outside the law, including vandalizing property. The poor guy even lost some weight with this litany of trouble in his plate.
But when he talked about his constitutional challenge, I knew we were home and dry because Kgafela is no average Joe. He’s a full attorney who has practiced law at length, so I didn’t listen to anything you and the government said because I thought my good friend was in the best mind he can ever be in. I mean, I have heard stories of old Chiefs during colonialism who sold our land after three tots of brandy. What sellouts! Some people say the old Chiefs were “duped” into selling land by cunning whites who were out to hog it for themselves. Nonsense! Who have you heard who’s done something like that after only three shots of brandy? I mean, Batswana drink like fish and I believe our ancestors drank like whales. When it comes to the drink, like the Irish, we are a cursed nation! So, the Chiefs who gave away land for a mere three tots of brandy were simply dull in the head, not drunk! This is why I took to Kgafela’s corner without hesitation; I thought he was smarter than the old Chiefs and that like me he took nonsense from no one!
This is why it broke my heart recently to read words attributed to him suggesting that whole Ministers should smoke marijuana to think clearly. I couldn’t believe it! I initially imagined they were moulding him a clay cow as we say it here when people makeup stuff and claim you said it. Why, he came out and reinforced the reports by papers and it broke my heart that he could say such gobbledygook. I then concluded that he had been high on something strong all along myself! You have all heard of all varieties of dagga, among them the most potent which is sold by old women who apparently pee on it to give it an unrivaled kick. Considering his latest actions, his statements on Satan and all things evil, I see that I’ve always missed the signs. I have been following someone high on nyaope, the dagga of old woman’s pee!
