I like ministers. If I had to choose between becoming a village Chief and being a Minister I’d choose being a minister without a flinch; Here are guys who have all the power in the world, who drive expensive cars you only see in the movies and get as many teenage girls as they want.

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Even better, a minister can, fire, recognize or de-recognize people at will. Ministerial power like presidential power must be orgasmic. Don’t buy into the poppycock of guys in the Opposition who make a lot of noise because of the envy they have for the guys in power. It’s easy to sit there and make noise when you are outside. I have seen many so called fire-brands become jellos overnight after they were made ministers.

 That said, It puzzles me how I have never had a minister friend when I have so many friends at the ruling party. I suppose it’s because I spend most of my time with nonentities at the foot of the chain. I was going to join the new party, but changed my mind halfway upon asking myself what benefit there was in liking a party for its bright colors when I had real ministerial ambitions. True, the new party is a lot of fun for its binge drinking carnivals and other things. These are the guys you need to brighten your mood in hard times like these, but right now I need a minister for a friend so that I can learn the tricks of the trade.

When you are a minister, you get away with anything. Just the other day one minister got away with Corruption in stark day light. He simply sauntered off because the guys who took him to court are either sheer incompetents or shameless liars who should be locked up in jail themselves. If a guy is a thief he is a thief, there’s no two ways about it! But if you let him get away with it you are as criminal as he is. How do we know that these guys were not bought to let him off the hook! But then again a guy who wants to be a minister such as I do shouldn’t complain about the trivialities of incompetents.

The Chiefs can go hang for all I care. Granted, ministers are generally toffee-nosed and more often than not think little of people like you and me. But here is the difference between ministers and Chiefs: ministers are aware of the silent power we the ordinary folk have. They know that messing us up today effectively means biting the dust at the polls tomorrow. So, they choose their battles carefully.

Chiefs on the other hand are backward blokes who believe that their blood has a superior chemical quality than everyone else’s. If that is true, how come we were not taught that bit in the Biology class years at school years ago.  The most special thing that Mr. Setlhare, our biology teacher, ever taught us was how the twins were made. That is the only special thing I remember being taught about human conception. Even then I still can’t find a place in my old high school notes where Setlhare taught us that just because twins are a special case, they should take over the world or go around doing what they want.

The other reason why I want to be a minister is that, I want to earn the right to tell off people like Chiefs. Just the other day, a minister was talking to people about agricultural issues, particularly growing rape and spinach. Because he knows how our extravagant people here are, he told them off for putting shades over tombs of their buried loved ones. He simply told them to take off the grave shades and put them over their vegetable gardens because, and I agree, it sensible to protect your vegetables than a heap of soil beneath which is buried a dead person. What is the point of putting shades over graves since those people are dead anyway? The minister was right! He is what is called a Pragmatist. People may kick and scream all the like, but they know that when they have calmed down, the minister has a point!

This, my friends is a role I envy, the authority to tell people what they very often don’t want to hear. For this reason, I want to become a minister so that I can tell a few people a piece of my mind, truth all the time. They will throw up if they want to throw up, but with powers vested on me by the president and the constitution of the republic, I will make my point. The Chiefs should expect my tongue. A reminder that like you and me they are people of flesh and blood!

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