People tend to create false images in order to be perceived a certain way or create an impression they would like everyone to ‘buy into’.

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The Johari window explains that we have four different segments that make us up. The blind pane are the things about us that we do not know and others don’t know either, the open pane; what people know about us that we also know and the hidden pane is what we know about ourselves that others may not be aware of.  The open pane is the way you are, the ‘personal brand’ you represent, from your identity to your lifestyle.

There is a Setswana saying, Motho ga a itsewe e se naga. We often rely on what we hear, see and this is informed by the impression that people portray. In life we judge; we judge ourselves and others, whether positively or negatively.  Nowadays, people do not really know each other; we live off impressions. We view each other in terms of “who we are”; what we are, what we can benefit from each other and how association with each other. We do not care about the core of people, simple lovely things like companionship, love and care. Basically, people are just shallow and gullible. We have adopted first world tendencies that have eroded the special sense of calm existence and humane bond.

Back in the days, people were divided between rich and poor, and royal and common; there was classism but it was not as prevalent and vulgar as it is nowadays. Post democracy, we are in a changed environment and focus more on the external; the bling generation! Modern life is status, rich and swag obsessed. If you haven’t got money, at least have the ‘cool’ or a ranking (career job, some level of fame or popularity) that makes you stand out, know people who do; that is how it is. It is slightly understandable why people create false impressions, it seems that to be accepted and treated with a certain level of respect, one must be a certain way and have certain things. We all want better than what we have, in order to reflect the ideal of a perfect life. Perfection is a lifelong pursuit and someone should have told you that there isn’t any arrival point. Even people who appear to have it all may have a million problems and struggle to maintain that perfection; so why the obsession with perfection?

People spend money they do not have to impress friends and people they do not know. The people we impress will not be around when things are bad; when we are in debt, struggling and having sleepless nights. In wanting to create a sense of superiority over others, we use material things to do that. There is nothing wrong with material things; the brands, the food, the fancy cars, expensive liquor etc are all lovely things many of us want to attain in order to better enjoy life or celebrate ourselves and our achievements. The problem comes when we want to replace human qualities with materialism. It’s of no use to have a million in the bank, expensive clothes, enjoy lavish holidays and the works, when you have no manners, respect nor have a solid inner being. I have seen people who think they are “all that”, scaling others on a cheap scale of 1 to 5. Does having a better standard of living make you next to God? When a person has no botho; it’s as good as them being non-existent. Perhaps some people listen to too much American hip hop; Jay Z rapped that he downgraded to being human. Nice lines, great swag; he has got the money and a gorgeous wife. Reality is different from hip hop videos and pop culture swag; even enjoying a bottle of Hennessey every weekend demands that you work hard for those things.  We want to create a pomp that is non-existent.

Broke guys often tell me they have money to impress me, but I have ‘rich man radar’. It pains me when a man wants to ‘sell a woman a dream’ of having money, just to lure them. The next thing he will be borrowing money and cars just to fulfill the lies. Some of us are from humble backgrounds and wouldn’t mind a date of lunch under a tree; I have had those moments with many good friends, who have worked hard to live comfortably. It’s tricky to be lavish when you cannot afford it .If you can afford a particular lifestyle, good for you, but if you cannot, do not put yourself under pressure; ga o itse se se nontshitseng kolobe. As a person I should look at my reality, instead of comparing myself with others, vice versa. No need to keep up appearances. Keep it simple and honest.

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